If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
