a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
