i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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