"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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