I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
