Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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