my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
