Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
