So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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