Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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