You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
