Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
