My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
