My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
