I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
