After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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