I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
