Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
