Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
