remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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