like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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