He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
