She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
