I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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