was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
