I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
