Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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