i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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