Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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