am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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