I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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