dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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