he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
