btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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