Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
