I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
