living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
