Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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