yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
