hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
