I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
