I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
