in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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