how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
