I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
