so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
