i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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