i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
