She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she peed on how many people?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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