I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
