i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
