im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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