forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
