go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
