the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
