Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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