What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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